Clarifying your "Wise Ones"

NECESSARY WISDOM

The next five clusters of big questions all relate to issues of how we, as humans, can best live our lives. Answers to these questions ideally flow directly from our answers to the first four groups of questions concerning identity and purpose. If we have a handle on identity, know what we really want in life, and understand our life purpose, we probably have a general idea of how we want to live. However, problems commonly arise when we attempt to deal with the specifics, and put our general ideas into practice on a day-by-day basis with real people. Frequently, we have to make choices between two or more possible responses to a situation, and not one of the options is a clear expression of our purpose statement. On many occasions, we simply do not know the best way to respond, and we require further information or wisdom before we can make such a response. This is when we may turn to our trusted authorities or “wise ones” in life.

We may define “trusted authorities” as individuals or groups that have at some time conveyed to us what we consider as reliable and trustworthy information or advice. They might include our parents, or parental figures, teachers, clergy, counsellors, writers, scientists, researchers, speakers, religious prophets or teachers with messages from “God”, or groups of experts on a particular topic. Most of us consult such authorities on a regular basis, but we may not always be consciously aware of doing this. We might simply remember the advice and forget that a particular person passed it onto us at a certain time in our past. If we are fortunate, we may have some of our authorities still physically available to us and we can ask them for advice on the spot. Usually, we have to consult many of our authorities through memories of what they said or wrote, or by searching books, media or the internet.

This particular set of big questions challenges us to reflect on our trusted authorities and clarify them so we can better judge the ongoing validity or usefulness of their advice, and be more aware of when we are making decisions based on their information. These queries are logically the first of the “how to live” questions to consider, because answers to other questions will commonly be based on who we consider our authorities to be - especially if our key authority is a “God” or religious prophet. This exploration of our authorities relates to the “Necessary Wisdom” stage in the Wayfarer myth where the main character seeks wise advice from trusted authorities before setting out on their quest.

So who or what are the possible authorities available to us, and what are some of the potential problems with these authorities.

Our most obvious source of authority will be our personal experience and we all learn many valuable and often painful lessons from this “wise one”.

The values ingrained during childhood by our significant parental figures will also provide an authoritative voice urging us to behave one way and not another. Unfortunately, some of the advice we remember from childhood is no longer appropriate once we become adults and must make decisions for ourselves.

For those who have adopted a set of religious beliefs, the teachings of that religion will be a significant authority and motivating factor in how we behave. In most cases, a religious response will include the assumption that the ultimate authority is “God”, “the gods”, or a trusted “messenger of the gods”, although every believer has to grapple with the issue of how they can be sure that particular wise advice actually comes from God. To solve this problem, in some faiths, the authority is said to reside in sacred writings or scriptures, but the believer then has to deal with the issue of how best to translate and interpret these texts. Some sacred texts were not actually written by the religious prophet or “god” who is quoted in the text, and adherents have to determine the extent to which the writer might also have included his or her own agenda in writing the text.

Many people claim to place their trust in science and scientific research, but this can be a problem when research is inconclusive or there are different interpretations of results.

Some people place their trust in other established organizations that offer advice on how to live e.g. a trusted consumer organization might influence the buying patterns of some people, or others might trust the advice coming from a particular environmental group. Again, we have to be sure that the advice does not push a particular political or other agenda hidden behind the advice offered by these organizations.

Many people still assume that media organizations and their reports can be trusted. We sometimes hear people say things like, “If it is in the newspaper, or on the telly, it must be true!” Unfortunately, media organizations have been known to “stretch” the truth on occasions to increase their sales or exposure, and many of them will push political or corporate agendas if it is in their interests.

Increasingly, people are turning to an internet search engine to collect advice on almost any topic one can imagine. However, as we enter each site, we face the problem of determining how reliable, authoritative and unbiased the included advice might be.

The same problem applies to each “word of wisdom” from individual “wise ones” such as mentors, writers, teachers, clergy, counsellors, public speakers, politicians, broadcasters and other wise ones from whom we might seek advice on a particular issue.

It seems that almost every organization or individual has his or her own particular agenda and some stake in having us accept them as one of our authorities. So much advice, so many authorities, but who can we trust?

Some would argue that we should not trust any particular authority and instead, complete our own independent research on each topic we encounter. Whilst we might need to do our own research on some issues, no one has the time to research or have a first-hand experience of everything, so we need some way we can build trust in authorities who do some of the research for us, or who have actually “been there”.

We can build our level of trust in authorities in a similar way to the way we build trust in a friend. It takes time, familiarity, encounters over a wide range of contexts and a growing faith based on evidence that our friend or authority is not out to exploit us. There seems to be seven key questions we can ask of potential authorities in relation to wisdom or advice on a particular issue. My suggestion is that we determine positive answers to all or most of these questions before we accept a potential authority as a trusted authority.

The Seven Questions to Ask of a Potential Authority on a Particular Issue

-          Expert Experience: Does the authority have the recent experience or qualifications to qualify them as a current expert in the field of this particular issue, or do they refer to experts who have such reasonable, recent qualifications and experience? - We tend to trust people who have the relevant qualifications and current experience with a particular issue.

-          Peer Reviewed: Are the views or claims of this authority respected by a wide range of their peers in the field of this issue? - We are likely to trust people who are trusted by their peers.

-          Understanding: Is the authority coming from an experience of life that we understand, or do they show that they seem to understand where we are coming from? We tend to trust people who understand our situation in life.

-          Consistent: Are the views of this authority on other issues with which we are familiar similar to, or consistent with views held by other trusted authority figures we consult? We tend to trust people who have views consistent with our other experts or wise ones.

-          Familiarity: Have we encountered references to this authority over a period of time and in a range of situations e.g. in different types of media, in a range of books by different authors? We tend to trust people with whom we have familiarity over time and in a range of situations.

-          No Agendas: Does this authority seem to be free from any hidden agendas or stakes in providing their advice on this particular issue? We are more likely to trust people who do not seem to be selling something or trying to manipulate us.

-          Proven: Has advice from this authority “worked” for us in the past? We tend to trust people who have a proven record of accomplishment in giving us reliable advice.

Asking these questions about potential authorities can be quite a time intensive process, so like good friends, once we find a trusted authority on an issue, we need to treasure them as one of the most important resources we have on our life journey. They can save us from falling into many traps along the pathways of life.

One way of treasuring our authorities is to create a “Wise Ones Collection” or list of our trusted authorities in the various dimensions of life. We can learn much about ourselves by simply compiling such a starting list of our major authorities. However, if we continue the practice, and our list grows, it could well become a vital reference when we need somewhere to go for trustworthy advice in the future.

Our “Wise Ones Collection” will serve as our working answer to Big Question 5.

"Implant" Your Purpose Statement (or any positive attitude or belief)

Necessary wisdom

Once we have a working purpose statement, we need some way of making it an integral part of our life so that it is able to influence and shape the way we think.

Motivation speakers and human observers have for decades been offering us ideas and ways of changing our “mind-set” so we approach life with more positive or helpful attitudes. As neurologists have learnt more about the way our brains work and change, these ideas have been refined and tuned to the point where scientists now know the steps involved in effectively “re-wiring” our brains or changing neural pathways. We can all use of some of the simpler forms of these techniques to train our minds to “see” and “notice” things quite differently. I have summarized seven of the most common and effective of these strategies into the acronym, “Implant”.

The “I.M.P.L.A.N.T.” Method

These seven types of strategies can be used individually or in combination with other strategies to help implant new purpose statements, assumptions, beliefs, values, attitudes, knowledge and ways of seeing things into our long-term memories. They will then be more readily available to us throughout our day-to-day life.

Some people have warned that these methods are really a form of mild “brain washing” and in some ways, they are. However, the difference here is that we are in control of the process. We choose exactly what we want our brain’s focus to be, we choose the methods, and we choose the extent to which we will use those methods. Our purpose here is to make use of our brain’s ability to focus on, and draw our attention to the things that we choose as important to us.

Here are the seven key strategies related to the idea of making our new purpose statement the focus of our life.

Imagine it

-          Regularly imagine yourself with the new purpose statement as a reality - as a permanent part of your life e.g. Start each day imagining yourself acting as if your purpose statement was being realized in your life. See yourself successfully living with your purpose statement.

Mythologize it

-          See the new purpose statement as a key turning point or the next main phase in your own life story or myth.

-          Develop or create symbols to represent the new purpose statement in your life and display these symbols on computer screens, business cards, posters etc.

-          Develop symbolic rituals and routines that link the new purpose statement to yourself e.g. a ritual to remind yourself of your purpose statement each day.

-          Set up a shrine, altar or monument in honour of your adoption of the new purpose statement.

-          Make a periodical pilgrimage to the place where you first decided to adopt the purpose statement - if such a place exists.

Party it - With Music

-          Celebrate the new purpose statement with a party and music when you first encounter it, and celebrate this event annually e.g. as part of your own birthday celebrations or on the anniversary of encountering the purpose statement

-          Wherever possible, link music with the new purpose statement since studies show that music seems to make our brains more open to new suggestions

-          Try writing a song about the new purpose statement, or relating the purpose statement to songs that you already know

-          Establish a special celebration day in honour of the purpose statement

-          Feel grateful for the new purpose statement at the start of every day e.g. as part of a daily walk

Learn it

-          Learn and revise the words of the purpose statement by heart using emotionally charged memory techniques

-          Learn all you can about the purpose statement as if you were trying to complete research for an important presentation

Act it

-          Act as if the new purpose statement is a day-to-day reality in your life

-          When facing a decision, ask, “What would someone with this purpose statement do in this situation?”

-          Start acting from your purpose statement - do things that someone with your purpose statement would do, even if you do not really feel like doing those things

Notice it

-          Place notices about your new purpose statement on your personal web site or “blog” if you have one

-          Write a poem or song expressing the essence of the new purpose statement

-          Make a sketch or painting showing the new purpose statement in action in your life

-          Wear the purpose statement expressed or symbolized on a T-shirt or windcheater

-          Express the essence of the purpose statement in the types and colours of clothes you wear

-          Make small reminder notices of the purpose statement and display them in your living and work spaces

-          Place the purpose statement on mobile phones, media players and computers as wallpaper, or as a computer screensaver so you notice it every time you use these devices

Talk it

-          Tell significant people in your life that you have adopted the new purpose statement

-          Mention it to others as if the purpose statement was a reality in your life

-          Use positive language whenever you talk about the purpose statement

-          Consider changing the way you speak to reflect your new purpose statement

-          Recite the words of the new purpose statement to yourself on a regular basis e.g. on your daily walk or run.

-          Teach others about the new purpose statement - this is one of the best ways of making it part of you - we are publicly seen as embodying what we teach

-          Tell your partner that you are trying to act according to your new purpose statement and that you would appreciate their support for your efforts

In the above descriptions, you could replace the words, “purpose statement” with any one of these terms: “assumption”, belief”, “value”, “attitude”, or “way of seeing things” as a way of changing the way you think about something. In a later book, I even suggest that you can replace “purpose statement” with the words “loved one” in all but the last suggestion as a way of developing a relationship with a new romantic interest.

Creative responses

CREATIVE RESPONSE (CC): Create daily, weekly and annual customs based on some of the above “IMPLANT” strategies that can continually remind you of your new purpose statement.

*         Choose two or three strategies that you believe can work for you and adapt them to work with your own lifestyle. E.g. you might decide to remind yourself of your purpose statement as part of a daily walk, and you might also decide to review your statement as part of an annual review of your life’s goals.

Creating a Life Purpose Statement

Necessary wisdom

This fourth set of big questions relates to the stage in the Wayfarer myth where the main character clarifies their overall quest and missions. In our life, there are two steps involved in answering these questions. The first is to work out a general idea of our life purpose from the collection of identity elements in our identity chart and the two parts of our identity statement. The second step is to turn this information into a purpose statement - a sentence that attempts to describe our overall life quest, sums up what we really want in life and indicates what we want to do with the rest of our time on earth. In completing these steps, we effectively develop working answers to such questions as, “What is my purpose in life? What am I here for? Where am I going?”

Step one is best completed with one or more trusted friends who are also involved in the process of discovering their identity and purpose, although, if necessary, it can be completed alone. During this stage, we attempt to look objectively at the complete collection of identity elements on our identity chart along with the two parts of our identity statement as if the chart and statements belonged to a stranger. The aim is to come up with a list of suggestions as to how the “chart and statement person” could make a fulfilling, positive contribution to the world given their unique collection of interests, experiences, skills, talents, gifts, needs, desires, and passions.

Once we have a general idea of a life purpose, the idea can be shaped into a purpose statement.

Like all other statements produced in this programme, the statements we will produce in these exercises are not carved in stone and can be tweaked and modified periodically in the future. However, these statements still need to have some permanence so that they serve as an ongoing reminder of what we are on about as a person, and help to direct and give some purpose to, and focus to the decisions we make in life.

Before we start on this process, we need to be aware that there are several traps to avoid when developing “purpose statements”.

Common Problems With Purpose Statements

A common trap is to confuse purpose statements with mission statements. In simple terms, the main difference is that whilst a purpose statement answers questions like, “What is my purpose?” or “What do I want to achieve in life?”, a “mission statement” attempts to answer the questions, “Where am I going?” and “How do I plan to get there? The mission statement is a “smaart” goal so it is more specific and usually implies that something is achievable within a specified period of time e.g. “to play with a national sporting team before I reach the age of thirty”. This is a useful and in fact essential strategy for goals, and we will talk about these later, but being so specific creates problems with a life quest or purpose statement. If people “achieve” their life quests too early in life, they sometimes lose their focus and direction, and start to think there is nothing left to achieve.

In other instances, people settle on life quests that are so abstract and remote that they find it difficult to relate what they do in everyday life to their quest. Their life quest becomes something “out there” and is easily forgotten in the rush and bustle of life. An example of such a purpose statement would be, “To live life to the full” or “To enjoy my life” etc.

Another trap is that we focus so much on achieving and doing things in life that we forget that much of life is about “being” as well as doing. People who are incapacitated in various ways can still make positive contributions to the world and to other people simply by “being” a certain kind of person and doing little more than relating with others.

A typical response from many is to focus the statement solely on personal growth and achievements, but as you will discover throughout this series, achieving personal goals rarely brings lasting satisfaction unless this achievement also benefits others in some way. Therefore, a life quest needs to involve both personal development and a positive contribution to the lives of others, and more generally to the wider world.

Along with something for the world, there also has to be “something in it for us”. If we are going to stick at this quest, the statement needs to acknowledge that we are trying to satisfy some of our basic desires, to express our unique identity and achieve a sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, enjoyment and contentment in what we do in our life.

Here are some guidelines for producing a “Purpose” statement that addresses these problems. These ideas have been adapted from a similar exercise in Tony Robbins’ “Get the Edge” programme.

Guidelines for a Purpose Statement

Your Purpose statement should ideally include four main elements or references:

-          The feelings you feel when you are absorbed by things you really love to do and live according to your “Passion(s)” (Desired Feelings)

-          A reference to your own growth and development towards fulfillment and wholeness (Personal Growth Phrase)

-          A reference to making the world a better place than when you entered it and improving the well-being of other people (Making the World a Better Place)

-          An expression of your unique identity - your passions, strengths, talents and best traits (A Package of Unique Passions, Strengths, Talents & Traits)

The statement should also satisfy three main qualities:

-          It should express something you can be, or become and something you can do throughout your life

-          It should be something that can be experienced, or is achievable within your lifetime

-          It should be as brief as possible without omitting any of these key elements or qualities.

Here is a model or template to help you create a purpose statement that “ticks all of these boxes”. The words in bold italics are instructions, and the underlined phrases are linking phrases:

Choose One: “The purpose of my life” Or “My life quest” Or “My purpose in life” is to

Choose One: “be”, “become”, “feel”, “experience”, “discover”, “find”

Insert Desired Feelings e.g. “happy”, “happiness”, “fulfilled”, “fulfillment”, “satisfaction”, “joy” etc.

Choose One: “by” Or “through”

Insert “Personal Growth” Phrase e.g. “growing to wholeness”, “becoming a better person”, “using my potential” etc. and

Insert “Making The World A Better Place” Phrase e.g. “helping others”, “making this world a better place”, “facilitating wholeness for others” etc. using

Insert “A Package Of Unique Passions, Strengths, Talents, & Traits” e.g. “my hard work, diligence and practical skills”, “my caring, nurturing personality”, “my musical and other creative talents” etc.

Here are some examples of purpose statements constructed from the template:

-          The purpose of my life is to become happy and fulfilled by growing to wholeness and facilitating wholeness for other people and the world using my passion for making things, my hard work, diligence and practical skills.

-          My purpose in life is to find joy and fulfillment by growing to wholeness and facilitating wholeness for others using my teaching and learning skills, my passion for how people learn and my caring, nurturing personality.

-          My life quest is to experience happiness and fulfillment by growing to wholeness and facilitating wholeness for others using my passion for teaching, my capacity to organize and categorize, my musical and other creative talents.

-          My life quest is to find lasting happiness and satisfaction through becoming a more whole person and helping to make this world a better place using, wherever possible, my passion for entertaining and by well-developed communication skills.

Here is an example that switches the elements around a little:

-          My life quest is to be fulfilled through becoming a caring, supportive and grateful person who makes this world a better place by using my passion for entertaining others and my communication skills and who thereby finds lasting happiness.

Creating Mandalas for Self Knowledge

NECESSARY WISDOM

The word “mandala” comes from the Indian Sanskrit language and means “circle” or “completion”, but the term commonly refers to geometric pictures containing shapes and/ or symbols of the cosmos from the point of view of the observer. Commonly, mandalas include circles and squares, but really, there are no rules.

Carl Jung described the mandala as a representation of the unconscious self or soul, and he used his own and patient’s mandalas as a way of diagnosing psychological needs, illnesses or imbalances. He would encourage his patients to create a mandala that represented their own “personal world” at the time and he believed this picture would provide insights into his patient’s spiritual state.

Constructing a mandala can be a form of unconscious or symbolic art, and we can all use this identity focus technique to help reveal some of our unconscious needs, or simply as a form of relaxation and fun.

You do not need artistic talent to create your own mandala. You just need some materials, some tools, and a preparedness to let your mind go with the flow during the creation process.

Figure 12: A mandala made with computer graphics

You can construct your mandala using any one, or a combination of a variety of methods. You might like to use a drawing program on a computer or electronic pad (see Figure 12). Alternatively, you may prefer to construct your mandala out of natural materials found in natural surroundings and glued or attached in some way to a base board. Many use traditional art materials such as paints, crayons or pencils on paper or canvas. Zen Buddhist Monks create mandalas on the ground using piles of sand of many different colours. Again, there are no rules. Use whatever combination of materials that appeals to you.

Many web sites display pictures of mandalas and describe different ways of creating them. Simply type “mandala” into a search engine and you will most likely discover hundreds of examples to inspire you.

You can create mandalas whenever you like, but as a reflection tool, some of the most revealing times can be at the start of a new year, on your birthday, during a time of crisis or before you have to make a major decision in your life.

You need to allow at least one to two hours for the whole process of creating your mandala, and half an hour or so to reflect upon it at a later stage. Whilst some people complete mandalas with music, it is usually best to complete the mandala in silence; otherwise, your mandala may reflect your reaction to the music - not what is happening in your life.

Before you start the process of creation, you will need to decide on your method and “canvas” or base such as a computer screen, paper, real canvas, a board or the ground. You then need to collect your materials together.

Place the blank canvas (paper, board, electronic or ground area) in front of you and spend a few moments in silence. Try to put all thoughts of particular events and people out of your mind. One way to do this is to count backwards from 50. You can close your eyes while you do this or focus on a flickering candle. The secret is to try to get your conscious mind right out of the way so you can allow the unconscious to express itself.

After at least 5 minutes of mediation, focus on the blank canvas for a few moments and then move your gaze to your collection of materials or colours. Choose whatever colour, object or material that seems to choose you. Look back at your blank canvas and think of geometric shapes - let them all parade before your imagination: circles, squares, pentagons, hexagons, triangles - when one seems to appeal to you, draw the outline on the canvas. Make this first shape fill most of the available area. Remember that the quality of the shape is not important - you know what shape is in your mind, and that is what is important.

Once you have your first shape on the sheet, study it for a few seconds and allow another shape, object, and/or colour to come to mind. As soon as it chooses you, add it to your picture. Colour in any shapes as you feel like doing so. You can also leave the shapes as outlines if you wish. You do not have to restrict your inner shapes to geometric shapes - they can be realistic shapes if that is what you want - you can draw or add leaf shapes, stones, twigs, fruit, animals (preferably not real ones!), buildings, vehicles, anything, as long as the shape comes without thinking about it. This is one reason why geometric shapes work so well. However, if you have this urge to add a realistic shape, let it happen.

Continue the process of adding shapes, colours and objects until you feel as if you are creating without thinking. Just go with the flow, and resist the temptation to judge your picture at any stage. You are trying to allow your unconscious mind to express itself.

Once the mandala is complete to your satisfaction, spend a few moments getting in touch with the feelings you feel as you look at it.

Record these initial feelings in a journal and then, if possible, take a break from your mandala for a period of time e.g. at least a few hours, or a day or so. If it has been created on paper, canvas or a portable base, put your mandala on display in a place where you have access to it, but where other’s will not. If your mandala has been created in a natural area, it may be worth taking a photo of the piece in case it is damaged before you come back to see it again. If you have produced an electronic mandala, save the file and if desired, print it out for later reference.

After a period, come back and study your mandala again. Allow the shapes, colours and materials to soak into your mind and again, take note of any feelings evoked by the work.

One of the best times to do this is just before you turn the lights out to sleep. This technique can often produce some interesting dream images that expand on the themes in the mandala.

Another useful time to reflect on your mandala is first thing in the morning. Again, record your responses in your personal journal if you have one.

The basic question to ask yourself as you look at your mandala is “What do the shapes, colours and objects I used to make these shapes tell me about myself or my spiritual journey at this stage of my life?” Here are some further questions you can use to get you started.

-          What feelings does the mandala seem to evoke in you? Are there certain parts of the mandala that affect you differently from others? Are the colours generally happy colours or sombre, sad colours?

-          What kinds of shapes predominate in the picture? Are they hard-edged shapes or soft flowing shapes? Are the lines strong and purposeful, or soft and wispy?

-          Is the composition packed with shapes and colours, or are there many “empty” spaces?

-          Think about how you worked at your mandala - did you work your way in from the outside or start at the middle and work out? Alternatively, did you concentrate on one little corner and get that right before moving off to another spot? Was there order in the way you went about things, or was it random, or even chaotic? Is this process similar to the way you tackle life’s problems?

If you find it difficult to come up with any useful responses to these questions, or the very process of reflecting on your mandala seems rather uncomfortable, do not be concerned. Sometimes, there may be very little of consequence that we can learn from our mandalas, or if there is, the meaning of particular elements may spring to mind later when we least expect it.  In the meantime, simply enjoy mandala creation for its own sake.

After reflecting on your mandala, you will need to decide whether to keep your creation or “de-commission” it. Buddhist monks who make mandalas out of sand typically rake over and destroy their images after they have been on display for a short time. Their point is that our life is always in a process of change, and we should not cling to any of our creations or identify ourselves with any moment in time. On the other hand, if we keep a record of our mandalas, we may have a useful collection of images to chart stages of development in our spiritual journey. You need to decide which path to take.

CREATIVE RESPONSES

CREATIVE RESPONSE (SU): Create a personal mandala to reflect the current stage of your life journey.

Use the guidelines above to create your own mandala.

Return to your creation at a later stage and reflect on the symbols, shapes and images using the questions suggested above.