Personal Images

Necessary wisdom

In the 1970s, there was a party game doing the rounds where participants were asked to think of their three favourite creatures. You might like to try this yourself. Before reading on, list your three favourite creatures on a piece of paper and beside each, list two or three qualities you particularly admire in that creature. As an example, you might like a particular type of dog because they are very loyal, have a gentle temperament with children but can fiercely defend those they love. Once participants have their creatures, you explain that their first creature represents the way they see themselves; the second creature represents how other people see them, and the third creature is what they are really like. Now, we need not worry too much if the results are not as flattering as we would like, but the game does suggest that human beings seem to have a variety of personal images of themselves, and these images can be quite diverse. The way we see ourselves can be quite different from the way other people see us, and both of these images can be different from the image we desire to project of ourselves.

To explore this first identity indicator, we will mainly concentrate on the image we have of ourselves - our “self-image” - and will briefly look at how we think we come across to other people. Later in this mission, when we start to develop an answer to Big question 2 about what we really want, we will look in more detail at the images we desire to project to others.

Our self-image typically includes such things as how we see ourselves in terms of our physical appearance, our general personality, and our level of skills and talents in relation to other people.

“Self-image” is not the same as our level of “self–esteem” but the two concepts affect each other. Self-image is how we see ourselves, whereas self-esteem is how we evaluate ourselves i.e. how positively we view our qualities. If we have low self - esteem, we will usually have a poor self - image and believe that other people see us in a negative light or have a low regard of our appearance, skills, talents and interests.

We can gain an idea of our self-image in a number of ways. Using our left-brains, we can simply list the qualities that describe who we are at this current point in time.

A more interesting exercise is to construct an answer to a question such as, “How do you believe you come across to other people?” and then compare that answer to another person’s description of us. This exercise becomes particularly useful when we can notice differences in the way we project ourselves in different situations such as the work place, when we are speaking in public, when we are mixing with strangers of the opposite sex, when we mix with strangers of our same sex, and when we are with trusted friends.

An example of a right brain approach is to create a symbolic picture of who we think we are at this point in time, and allow another person to describe the qualities of the person they “see” in the picture. This is an example of an “Identity Focus Technique” to be described in our next blog.

Creative responses

CREATIVE RESPONSE (SU): Consider asking one or two trusted friends or partners to work through these activities with you

*         The self-image activities described below work best when you can share your responses with, and receive objective feedback from one or two other people.

CREATIVE RESPONSE (SU): Describe the way you see yourself in terms of five key identity elements

*         Imagine that you have been introduced to a group of people with whom you will spend a fair bit of time in the future. You have been asked to describe yourself to these people with just five key descriptive phrases (identity elements) and it is important to you that they gain an accurate impression of who you are.

*         Spend a few moments thinking about how you currently see yourself.

*         From this reflection, produce five identity elements that you believe accurately describe who you are at this point in your life.

*         Once you have thought of the statements, add them to the right hand page of your identity chart underneath the other elements using “colour one”.

*         Remember that “identity elements” complete a sentence like, “This is someone who…” e.g. “is always seeking the truth”, “loves all kinds of sport”, “is a typical computer nerd”, “enjoys listening to all types of music”, “is dedicated to his family” etc.

CREATIVE RESPONSE (SU): Reflect with a partner on your answer to the question, “How do I come across to others at this point in my life?”

*         This activity explores the masks that people typically project in public situations. We will explore the concept of these masks further when we consider big question two below, but such knowledge is not necessary to complete this response.

*         Get with a trusted friend who is prepared to do this activity with you. On a separate clean page in a note book or the “Identity Documents” section of your journals, you each write a short paragraph as to how you think your friend comes across to others in a variety of life situations such as in their work place, when speaking in public, when mixing with strangers of the opposite sex, when mixing with strangers of the same sex, and when relaxing with trusted friends. E.g.

-          Mary comes across to others in her work place as a rather shy person, but one who is always willing to work hard and help out. When speaking in public she seems a little unsure of her authority. When she is with guys she doesn’t know, she also seems quite reserved and shy, but with girls we meet, she is usually her happy go lucky self. With her friends, she always seems happy and seems to make it her business to try to cheer people up etc.

*         Underneath, in a separate paragraph, write a paragraph answering the question, “How do I come across to others at this point in my life?”. E.g.

-          I come across to others at work as an educated, but reserved sort of person who is very serious about my work. When speaking in public, I think I come across as pretty sure of myself. With male strangers, I come across as friendly and one of the boys. With female strangers, I come across as respectful, but warm and friendly. With my mates, I am a lot more relaxed and outgoing. Sometimes I can appear to be a bit bossy and arrogant, but people usually find me to be friendly once they get to know me.

*         Once both of you have completed both paragraphs, compare your answers. What similarities were there between the paragraph you wrote about yourself and the paragraph written about you by your friend? Discuss the differences between your own projections and the way you are perceived by others in different life situations.