The Influences of Family Position

Necessary wisdom

A common view about identity is that we can learn much about who we are by examining the major influences that shaped us during our childhood. Such influences include significant family members or family friends who spent time with us, the specific influence of our position in the family, the religious or philosophical culture of our community, and the wider influence of the culture within which we lived. In this step, we will concentrate on family influences.

The Influence of Significant Others

The “significant others” in our early childhood experiences included our actual parents, parent substitutes such as close grand-parents, uncles or aunts and even close family friends who may have spent a lot of time with the family unit and our siblings.

The influence of these people would have come genetically in the form of physical characteristics such as nose shape and hair colour, directly as they specifically taught us how to do things, or indirectly as we listened to what they talked about with others and watched how they behaved. From these experiences, we would have picked up many assumptions about life in the form of beliefs and values, particular interests, and particular ways of applying lifestyle skills. In many situations, we would have simply adopted the assumptions and behaviours of these significant others as “the way you do things”. In other situations, where we did not feel comfortable with the significant other, we may have deliberately adopted a contrasting assumption or set of behaviours so we could separate ourselves from, and establish a separate identity to them.

The Influence of Birth Order

Ever since Alfred Adler first claimed that our birth order has a significant impact on how we develop as people, there has been much debate over this issue. Some people claim that the anecdotal evidence is obvious, but recent studies have been inconclusive in finding scientific evidence to support the claims. Even so, it can be interesting to look at some of the claims made by birth order experts and see if we can see any correlations with our own upbringing. Here is a summary of some of the most common claims made about the effects of birth order or about the characteristics associated with various family positions.

When examining these claims, we need to remember that the context of a particular family may radically alter the findings e.g. the characteristics associated with the eldest child might also apply to a child born many years after another sibling - as commonly happened to families living through periods of war. In large families, the characteristics of an eldest child may apply to the oldest member of either sex, and similarly, the youngest child characteristics may shine through in the youngest girl or boy regardless of whether they are the actual youngest member of the family. Adler himself said that birth order differences would become less obvious in families where members were encouraged to cooperate with each other and not compete for attention.

Characteristics Associated With Family Position

Eldest Child

-          Has a tendency to “rule” or at least take leadership roles over others, or take on positions of responsibility

-          Is used to being the centre of attention since they are an “only child” for a time

-          May end up more conservative than others because they assumed “conformity” was the way to keep their parents’ attention when other children came along

-          May try very hard to please others for the same reasons

-          To gain attention, may become rebellious and difficult when the second child comes along because they will have lost their privileged position as an “only child”

Middle Child

-          Tends to be more aware of competition with other children - is always trying to be better than their older siblings

-          Is always being compared to older and younger siblings and may therefore develop low self - esteem

-          As a result, they may develop a more negative view of the world or become easily discouraged

-          Can develop high levels of adaptability because they have had to deal with both older and younger siblings

-          Can develop effective social skills for the same reason

-          May feel that they are being ignored in the family - that older and younger children are getting all the attention

Youngest Child

-          More likely to be less conservative and reject the status quo than elder children

-          May be more creative than their elder brothers and sisters

-          May be more reluctant to take on positions of responsibility - they have got used to being “looked after” by older siblings

-          May develop an inferiority complex because their older siblings always seem to have more developed skills than they do. On the other hand, they may feel motivated to keep up with their siblings and will therefore develop more quickly for their age.

Only Child

-          Likely to want to be the centre of adult attention