Inciting Events of Our Story

Necessary wisdom

Some people would argue that the identity indicator that is best able to define who we are is the set of events that make up our life story or history. Of the various techniques we can use to explore our life story, all come down to listing or describing a sequence of events and reflecting on the influence of those events on our life.

Our stories may include particular periods of our life such as our childhood, or our school years or they might focus on particular themes such as the story of our career path, our close relationships, our beliefs or our interests. We can develop a list of events, a history or a story on almost any aspect of our life.

By reflecting on our stories, we can notice patterns in our life of which we might be completely unaware. We may notice, for example, that some periods of life have many significant events clustered around a period of months, and whilst we may not have been aware of it then, we may come to understand why we seemed to make a number of stress-related decisions during that time. We might also notice that certain patterns repeated themselves over a number of years revealing insights such as that we seem to return to our roots after a period of crisis. Whenever we reflect on our stories, we are likely to learn something new about who we are.

There are five common ways we can develop a story of our life so far, of a period of our life, or of a particular theme in our life. The simplest is the “Chart of Inciting Events” which works best for a particular period of our life. The “Life Events Grid” works well for revealing the themes of our life story. The “Personal Short Story” and the “Autobiography” both work well for a whole of life approach. For those who do not like to write much, or who prefer a more practical approach, there is the option of the “Personal Story Scrapbook”.

Chart of Inciting Events

As mentioned in our description of the “Wayfarer Myth” pattern, an “inciting” event is any occasion that acts as a marker event or turning point in our life journey that may call us to head off in pursuit of some quest. It is a memorable, significant occasion for us, although it may not necessarily be significant for other people. Such events commonly include personal triumphs in sport, education or art, family tragedies such as major accidents or the loss of family members, and even significant community events that gain a high profile in the media such as natural disasters or national successes.

Figure 4: Chart of Inciting Events (stage one)

A Chart of Inciting events is a grid that displays these occasions in terms of when they occurred and the level of positive or negative energy they generated. The activity is one that works best for a particular period such as the first fourteen or so years of our life journey because the inciting events of those early years and the assumptions we drew from them have a lasting effect on the assumptions we carry into adulthood.

You can complete this chart on two A4 pages as a two-page spread. (in portrait format) or over three pages in an exercise book.

Starting with the left page, rule vertical lines 3cm apart, right across all pages.

At the top of each vertical line, sequentially list one of the years of your life from conception to the age of fourteen.

Next, work out the horizontal middle of the page, and rule a dotted line across all your pages. The area above the dotted line in the middle is for positive, happy events in your life. The area below the line is for negative, “scary” or tragic events.

Now think back over this period of your life, and add dots to your chart for the most significant and memorable positive and negative events that you can remember. Start by placing a dot right on the middle line at the approximate position of your birth. The year numbers at the top of each vertical line represent January 1^st in that year, so a birthday in June would be placed halfway between the first and second year indicators. We are placing birth on the middle line since we have no actual memories or emotions connected with that significant event.

Continue to add events right up until your fourteenth birthday, but only events which are really memorable and significant - otherwise the process with take a month! Beside each event, you may wish to draw a small symbol, icon or write a brief explanation of the event.

Now connect the dots! Draw a line that connects all the dots to show a symbolic path through the “ups and downs” of your early life (See Figure 6). The high spots are like mountain top experiences - happy, positive, moments of insight and/or joy. The low spots are like valleys of sorrow, pain and fear. You then reflect on the chart looking for the possible effects these events may have had on your beliefs, values, goals and desires. Such motivating assumptions may be positive and/ or negative. We might notice patterns of events where we received many accolades early in life that could reveal a major reason for one of our current interests or passions. Alternatively, we may notice a series of negative events that could well be responsible for current negative beliefs we have about ourselves or other people. All of these insights provide material for further “identity elements”.

The Life Events Grid

A “Life Events Grid” is best prepared using a “spreadsheet” program on a computer, although it can be produced on paper if you have the patience.

The Life Events Grid is composed of a number of rows with each row labelled with one month of your life, and a series of columns representing various themes of your life such as “living arrangements”, “shows and events”, “educational achievements”, “work history” and “world events” etc.

The process is to simply record any significant events of your life in the appropriate cells where the month and theme intersect. E.g. if you moved into a new home in February of 2001, you would make a brief entry in the “Living Arrangements” column in the year row of 2001. (See Figure 7)

On a computer spreadsheet, the months can usually be added automatically with a “fill series” command, so you will not have to type each one separately.

Start your entry with a number representing the day of the month (if known). If you have more than one event per month in the same column, simply separate them by a slash e.g. 20 - Set up front garden/ 24 - Constructed gazebo in back yard

You can add any columns or themes you like, but here are some suggestions for headings: Living Arrangements, Work History, Educational History, Shows and Events Attended, World Events, Family & Friends, Hobbies & Interests, Organizations, Big Purchases etc.

Once you complete the grid up to the current year, you can set aside a short period of time annually to update it for the immediate year which has passed, and reflect on any patterns you notice. This could be part of your “Annual Life Review and Goal Setting Exercise”.

The Personal Short Story

A “Personal Short Story” is a short outline of our life that describes the progressive revelation of our life purpose and one or two of the main themes that have influenced us. Taking the time to write a short story of our life may enable us to understand why we have taken the paths we have over the years.

The Autobiography

A more extensive version of the “life story” is the autobiography. This project is not for everyone, but if you enjoy the writing process, it can be a very satisfying, revealing and meaningful activity. It is important to emphasize that I am not suggesting that you write a document that will necessarily be submitted for publication, so you do not have to worry about whether “it is good enough” - the document can simply serve as a reminder of the key events and movements in your life journey. As such, it will prove to be a valuable tool in not only revealing key identity elements in your life, but insights into your motivating needs and desires. It may also prove to be a treasure for your children.

“The Road Clearing Way (to Success)” outlines the logical steps required to bring such a significant project to fruition. In simple terms, we start by collecting information about the major events of our lives, the main trends and themes that seem to recur, and the reflections we have made about our journey over the years.

We then need to decide whether we want to follow a chronological path or a thematic path. A chronological approach is to describe the major events of our life in order. The thematic approach is to divide the story up into a number of major themes such as the story of the significant people in our lives, the story of our beliefs, of our vocation, of our interests etc. Each of these stories would be traced through your life separately - possibly in separate chapters.

If we choose the chronological approach, we need to plan the story in terms of the wayfarer myth and use the “call” to our overall quest (see above) as the major call to transformation. Each chapter then becomes a stage where we face and deal with some particular obstacle to our quest.

If we take the themed approach, we need to work out a separate “call to transformation” for each theme and describe our story to realize the quest in that particular area of our lives e.g. in relationships, our quest to find happiness with a life partner; in our vocations, to find a vocation that really satisfies us etc. Each chapter would be dedicated to one of these separate themes.

Since the story is not yet complete, we can add further details to the overall story or to each thematic chapter as events continue to unfold in our lives - possibly as part of our Annual Life Review exercise.

Every journey starts with the first steps, and the first steps for this project are to take a few sheets of paper in your journal and draft out some possible structures - both thematic and chronological. Decide on your approach once you have had sufficient time to play around with the possibilities, and start writing.

Note that both the “Life Events Grid” and the “Personal Short Story” exercises explained above can serve as planning tools for your autobiography.

The Personal Story Scrapbook

This approach to compiling a sequence of our life events is for those who find it uncomfortable to write extensively, or for those who simply love making scrapbooks.

The idea is that we use existing photographs, newspaper cuttings, receipts, tickets, greeting cards, mementos, letters and headings to produce scrap book pages reflecting the ongoing story of our life. Depending on the amount of material we wish to include, the scrapbook could be arranged in several ways. We could simply work on one page per year reflecting the events and themes that were active during each year of our life. Alternatively, we could arrange one page per major event, which might mean we have several pages for momentous years, and some years with only one page for little more than our birthday. A third option is to arrange separate scrap books for the key themes of our life e.g. one book for our important relationships, one for our vocation, one for our hobbies, and maybe another for significant trips and journeys etc.

Scrapbooks can be purchased from dedicated scrapbook stores or from stationery suppliers. The standard scrap book has pages that are around 30 cm or 12 inches square and with careful arrangement, a large number of items can be displayed on each page. Here is a range of items that could be included in such a book.

-          Photographs of meetings or events with the significant people in our life

-          Items reflecting our significant interests e.g. a photo or receipt for our first musical instrument or sporting item

-          Photographs of birthdays, graduations, and other milestones

-          Photos and/or quotations from significant books or movies in that year

-          Programs or tickets for any significant shows or concerts

-          Photos, plane tickets, brochures of any significant holidays or journeys

-          Letters or greeting cards received from significant people in our life

-          Newspaper headlines of significant news events from that year (We may be able to find these in a book such as the, “Chronicle of the Twentieth Century” or web sites specialising in history)

-          Photos, drawings or descriptions of favourite things e.g. our teddy bears when we were young, our favourite toy car, doll, computer game etc.

-          Examples of any drawings we made, or poems we completed in the year - drawings may need to be scanned on a computer and reduced in size to fit on the page

-          If you have a long - term interest or hobby, it is a good idea to include some photos or information on the development of that interest over the years. For example, as a rock guitarist, I would want to include photographs of the various guitars I have played, and the bands that I have been with over the years.

At your leisure, add any further decoration to this page that you desire e.g. a decorative borders or symbols. These items can also be purchased from dedicated scrapbook suppliers.

As I mentioned above, this project might take some time to complete for the years we have lived so far, but once we are up to date, we can simply complete a page or so each year - maybe on our birthday, or when we plan our year. The resulting book will be a valuable tool for our own reflection, and will prove to be a significant treasure for our children and relatives at the end of our journey. This volume will save them the task of sifting through old photographs and memorabilia.